December 10, 2012

True value

"Why do people blog?" would have the same answer as the one to "Why do people write?". Unbelievable as it might be, there are people out there who (I've found one so far) that firmly believe that people who write, do so because "no one listens to them in real-life and they have no friends. So, they write about it." ... Almost tore my diaphragm due to literal LOL when I was told this. I bet they believe Tolkien, Rushdie, Twain, Christie, Hawking, Brown , Rowling and  Sheldon were really lonely people who had nothing better to do than to write, as no one would listen to them.

But, I digress. The intention behind this post was to outline certain recurring topics that were popping up quite often in my day to day conversations. So, as usual, I thought I would pen them... mostly to a reach a conclusion in my head. This has something to do with the melodramatic word, "Values".

Firstly, lets get some technical terms defined.

  1. Sheeple  : Sheeple (a portmanteau of "sheep" and "people") is a term of disparagement in which people are likened to sheep, a herd animal. The term is used to describe those who voluntarily acquiesce to a suggestion without critical analysis or research. They undermine their own individuality and may willingly give up their rights.
  2. Cowservatives : The conservatives, who end up quite large in girth as they continue to exist and tend to physically resemble our ruminant friends. 
I get to hear certain "Values" from cowservative natives in the region I'm currently residing. I don't think most realize that what they think are their values... are not truly theirs in the first place. With 400 years of Islamic rule followed by 200 years of Victorian enslavement... a total of 600 years or so of belligerent prudery had been entwined into the true Indian culture. I bet the Rajputs are rolling in their graves. Once a culture of love and harmony has now turned into a culture of suppression and admonishment. I guess we now know what I'm talking about. Yes, "that" part of our culture. We don't even want to mention it now, do we? Shameful, disappointing and hilarious at the same time.

I'll give you some examples of a cowservative parenting. Some cowservative parents once found that their young daughter had friends who were dating. Dating... such a shameful act. The devil himself must possessed these other kids into going against the will of society. They aggressively interrogate the young girl to find whether she knew anything about "it" and "that" (dating and sex). She was meant to know none of these until she was happily married to some bloke that her parents would chose. This cowservative bloke would then "teach" her the "ways of life"... apparently. These are the values of a cowservative.

The sheer act of possessing knowledge frightened these conservative parents, regardless whether the act was committed or not. It seems like these cowservative parents don't trust that their children are capable of critical reasoning. That every important decision has to be taken for them, less they stray away from the "path of sanctity". How pitiful. These are the values of a cowservative.

I guess a long time back, I once mentioned I knew someone (a classmate of mine) who was married off to a random guy of parents choosing, immediately (within a month) when she told her father that she was dating someone. She wasn't even done with college... that too one of the top Engineering colleges in India. These are the values of a cowservative.

"Conservatism wins an argument not through reason and logic, but, through the support of other conservatives."

In villages of Harayana, by passing of official judgement, a "cure" for rape was decided upon. Apparently women were "prone to rape" as the men have "urges of nature" that were not in their control. This is an official judgement. The "solution" to rape was to get young girls married off as soon as they "ripe of age". This would provide an outlet to these "urges" of men... as they could now direct it at their legally under-age wives and get back to work. Dear reader, this isn't news from ancient tribal India... this is news from just months ago - Link. These are the values of a cowservative.


Rampant victim blaming and admonishment of individuality is a national sport of sorts. Our country is like a bucket of crabs. As a crab tries to climb out of the bucket, the other crabs pull it right back. "Values" are forcefully passed down from generation to generation. But, now, they have to face the globe. Internet is all over the place. You can no longer hide your children from "evil". A child in a cowservative family has to hide knowledge of the world... the child is not supposed to know that till he/she reaches a certain age. The age limit is strongly biased against men... but, that's another story... women have always been treated as mindless cattle in India, fit to serve and breed. Getting back on track, so ... how does a cowservative parent ensure that their kids aren't being "corrupted".

How do you find out if you are a cowservative parent?

"Fear, Rescpect and obedience"
"Your facebook is being monitored"
"You must listen to your father now. Later you will have to listen to your husband."
"Do not wear skirts. It is not our culture. What will the neighbours think?!"
"He's a boy. He is allowed to do that."
"Where/how/with whom/why/how long are you going to be beyond the main door?"
"We choose matches based on family line and genes" (Sort of like mating cattle... the definition for cowservative gets more defined)

If you have ever found yourself saying any of the above or similar... you are a cowservative parent... and in general a failure as a parent and a human. Shame.

There are two types of marriages in India. Normal and "Arranged". Historically speaking, marriages were arranged between nobility, to ensure alliance and peace by blending of bloodlines. This is what I think - The masses believed they too could imitate the customs of nobility and began "arranging" marriages. Now, they wholeheartedly believe that this has always been a part of their culture and  the match chosen by the parents and relatives and your grand Uncle would certainly be the best choice for you to spend the rest of your life with. An arranged marriage can only be as good as the people arranging it, and if these people are cowservatives (failures of humanity)... Awesome! , I strongly suggest that you might as well shoot yourself in the head than bear to live a life of cowservatism.

You might suddenly argue that arrange marriages have a lower divorce rate. This is what I have to say about that -  Obviously this has to be true. People who do get arranged marriage have already lost all hope in life. Anyone who had any ounce of individuality would not simply decide to wed off to someone "till death do us part" simply based on their DNA and cultural background and (this is the best one)... Horoscope. Most arranged marriage couples have never felt true love. Shame.

The divorce rate in India is rising and I am happy about it. It symbolizes empowerment of women. There's no reason to be in a hateful marriage shackling you down like caged animal. I really hope it's exponential.

What are my values?

Before I get to that... I must recount another instance of Indian culture that I have noticed more often than not.

"I need a girlfriend."
"I am old enough. I need to settle down"

You don't go around looking for a mate. You are human not an animal... but then again...
This is what I think of arrange marriages, from a scientific perspective. One would assume occurrences of  arranged marriages would go "extinct" as they undermine the positive cultural growth of a community. What is the drive that we share among all other living organisms? That's right, Survival and Reproduction. To ensure successful continual of lineage, arranged marriages had to made the norm. People had become so suppressed under various Islamic and Victorian rules that they lost the ability to form loving relationships. I have noticed among my peers that a majority lack the skill to interact with the opposite sex, and these peers were young men and women of one of the "top engineering colleges" in India. In order to ensure survival, relationships had to be forged by force. You arranged marriage couples were forced to bear a child as soon as possible, lest they shun the wife to be "barren". Again, this isn't ancient news, I do know living couples who had to bear a child due to familial pressure.

"The greatest fear of a conservative parent is true knowledge of the world in the minds of their children"

I have see cowservative parents fear that their children will eventually realize that they have a choice. Hence, they get them married off as soon as possible. The region, where I am in, even wedlock amongst cousins is encouraged. Yes, open inbreeding. Well, natural selection shall take care of that.

What are my "values"?

This is how I live - One day, after a shower, I notice that moon is full. I decide to take a walk. I meet someone along the way. We talk for moments. A few days later, I meet this person again and we talk, for longer this time. Intriguing and definitely interesting. I feel like spending more time with this person. I realize I that even after spending an hour together, I'd like to spend more time in their company. This continues, and after a long while you get to know someone more than yourself. Their mere smile from could make your day. Their eyes, most beautiful. You feel like spending every living moment of your life in the their company. Each becomes the "best friend" of each other. You care of them deeply and share emotion at level never before experienced. You find love.

This is how I'd find a partner, and I did. Believe it or not, it was every bit as dramatic as I have described it. (I am not ashamed). It's been more than nearly a year. The most happiest year of my life. This is my value.

My definition of marriage is simple. Nothing should change from before to after. The relationship that you have with your partner should have no change as you get married. Because the bond you forms with your partner cannot be defined by a piece of legal document or seven rounds around a pyre. This is my value.

Bonds are not formed in heaven or by "God". They are formed by humans. Your family and relatives cannot, ever, decide who you should get married to. You should get married to someone that you truly want to and believe you can spend the rest of your life with... else don't. Marriage is not a compulsion or a custom or a stage in life, it a very human bond forged between loved ones who care deeply for each other. This is my value.

"Don't rush into things", a conservative father once said. What does that even mean? If you believe that wish tie the knot as soon as possible, then you are grossly mistaken. I will do no such thing, until, I believe I am financially and educational stable. If I can't take care of myself, how am I to take care of my partner? My beloved partner believes the same and I consider her wishes, above mine. This is my value.


People don't write because they are unheard. rather, in this age of global connection... that which is written, now reaches the eyes of millions.I would find great pleasure in being able to convert the heart of a single conservative out of thousands.

And how do I know this?... Well, you read it didn't you? You would have felt something if you were human, rage, guilt, murderous intent to kill me/Winston Churchill/Akbar?

Have a nice day :)

"When you talk, the room listens... but, when you write, the world reads"